My Rants

This is call a blog for a fucking reason and that is to say what you want no matter what the consequences are.No matter how the senstive or painful the subject is,this is a place of zen for a person to let everything out and hopefully he or she will be a bit better once everything is translated onto a post.

I am in a mess right now and this is what I want to do now.POST something on this pathetic blog of mine and I don't give a damn what people think and happens next.I just want to blog.

Im no Mark Zuckerberg as potrayed in the Social Network.In that movie,while blogging the ugly truth about his ex-girlfriend and slightly tipsy,he went to create FaceMash and then went on to start up something called Facebook.Have you heard of it yet?Like they say what happens after that is history.What can I say?That guy is a genious.But..what a minute.Im not here to talk about Mark or anyone else.Im no genious even though I am onto my 2nd glass of Macallan.There is a similarity but unlike Mark,Im not goin to create anything that is out of this world but I just want to freaking post a blog.Period.

Am I a pathetic loser who keeps reminding myself of the past?Here I am consoling others to let go of the past and move on but in actual fact,Im a hypocrite.Here I am telling people that partying is the way to go in order to feel good about yourself but in actual fact,I hate parties and only attend if Im forced to go.Here I am telling people that doing irrational stuffs like suicide and excessive smoking will not cure the pain but in truth,Im drink myself to sleep.What the fuck is goin on with me?

I lied.I lied to alot of people.I lied to the people I hold dear and whenever I see them,it kills me that I am lying in front of their faces.Fuck me man.Why I lied you ask?Because I hate to see them worry about me.I have done enough of bothering them.Fullstop.Every once in a while when I see them,I have to put on my fucking poker face where in truth,Im swallowing everything to make sure I look "FINE" in front of them.Am I good?No!Not a chance in hell!I apologize guys.I really do.

What is becoming of me?Have I changed for the better or for the worse?There was a time ago where I stand by the rules and believe in good values kinda of thing because I was naive to think that by being a good person,nothing bad will happen to me and people could see through my kindness but I was proven WRONG!!!I was treated like some unwanted rubbish and I lost my pride,integrity and self confidence by being so STUPID!!!

People say that if a person has a wide forehead,he is bound to be smart.I have a wide forehead..I think but Im not smart but the reason of my wide forehead is due to the fact that I spent most of my thinking.Not thinking of the next bubble that could make me rich but thinking of the past and the unnecessary.How pathetic can that be right?No matter how hard I try to forget the past,the mind will project dozens of stuffs from the past.It's like tit for tat.One memory gone and then one menory in.Fucking ass.How can you move to the present and the future if you are still in the past?Tell me how coz I badly need a fucking sensible and proven advice!!!

Migraines.Headaches.Insomnia.Nothing unusual for me.I get that alot with that I think Im immune by it.Everytime the mind will keep swirling something toxic.It's so powerful that in most cases if not all,I didnt put up a fight against the toxic.I simply can't.The best way to handle that toxic is to overwork myself till the point that my whole body starts to shake and shouting for me to stop and if I stop,the toxic will be there again to incur more pain than ever.No remedies.No cures.NO HOPE.

Have I achieve anything yet?Im not sure about what the rest are judging but the stuffs that was awarded to me was just pure luck.Nothing extravagant.Nothing spectacular.It's all pure luck.The scholarships,the prizes was all luck.I couldnt done it without the support of my friends.Thanks guys.Like I said,Im not a genius.Im not smart.I don't have any talent at all.Im only lucky to be there and about.THAT'S IT.You coulld easily find someone who can outdo,outsmart and outlast me anytime and I MEAN ANYTIME,

Im on my 3rd glass of Macallan.Everytime when I am at my office,I look at myself and said this has got to end,the sooner the better.Easier said then done.Whenever someone goes into my office and tell me about their problems,flashbacks comes in an instant and that sucks because I couldn't control it.Sometimes,I just want to shut my office door and barred people from entering with their problems but I can't.I don't have the heart to reject them and at the end of the day,Im the victim.Not them but ME!!!

Am I being this way because Im lonely?It's been 2 years.2 years of obscurity.2 years and I can't swallow of what had happened.I told myself that I don't want to see her again but there is a slight itch that I want our past back to the present and the future.Y?I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.It's just maybe I need a closure and without that closure,I don't think that toxic will just disappear from my body.Have I not been a good guy when we were together?Tell me!!!I shouldnt have convinced myself that you are the one and due to that,my conviction still stuck onto and the only way to unstuck is to know the truth.THE UGLY FACT!!!but till now,I've yet to know.

Not only I lied.I hurt people.I was so fucking scared to get hurt that due to my naiveness and carelessness,I am hurting the people around me.Suddenly I became a selfish son of a gun.Im not going to mention any names here but I know that you know that you're the one hurt and even though I know that apologies are the weakest excuse for me to say,I wana apologize to you for being the victim of the incompetence of handling myself.

All in all,I am a fucking loser with no sense of directions in life.Let me be by myself and in that way,I won't lie and I won't hurt anyone.After tommorow's meeting with Tracy,I wana be on my own and it's time for me to stop the endless bothering and disturbance to the people that I have caused.I think it's time for me to look at myself and say FUCKING STOP IT AND DO IT YOURSELF!!!It's me and me and me.Nobody else.

Im at my 4th Macallan and havinga terrible migraine now.My legs and my fingers are shaking but I don't give a damn because it's normal to me.Nothing is right with me now and in the near future.Im popping my pills now as we speak and hopefully in a couple of minutes,I will just lie face flat on my bed and have at least 6 hours of peace and freedom form the mind.

I know there will be some grammatical errors but like said earlier,this is what I want and I don't give a fucking care whether it's right or wrong as long my conscience is clear.

Hope to see you people soon.

FUCK MY LIFE!!!

Ku Shin Bo

To put it bluntly,Im not a big fan of Japanese cuisine.In most cases,I dread of going to Japanese dinners as to me,there is nothing special to be worth salivating for in Japanese food.I can take an occasional sushi or two but I cant just cant stomach the sashimi's to the wasabi's as to me that's not culinary genious.Maybe Im bias here but a set of good knife skills and not doing any form of cooking except for the occasional deep-frying(Tempura) doesnt make a great chef.Not in my book.

However,my perception on Japanese cuisine slighlty change when I met Ku Shin Bo.A quiet tranquil restaurant that serves up Japanese food in buffet style.I could go on telling about this place but Im gona stop short here and just tell you of the must-eat dishes and leave the rest to you to experience yourself.

Of all the dishes which I really really enjoyed,I picked out two that stands out from me.

Dobinmushi is a soup based dish that is serve in a teapot.All you need to do is pour soup into a small cup and drink it like how you would do with tea.If you open the pot,it's filled with prawns,chicken and fish.It's taste is something like black chicken herbal soup but the ginger and ginseng(If my tastebuds is not failing me) elevates this soup and soothes you down.

Salmon sausage is not typically regarded as authentic Japanese delicacy but this is something that I've never tried before.I've had my fair share of sausage be it a bratwurst or the processed one but this salmon sausage is something to die for.It's simply soft and once you bite it,you can taste and feel the cheese oozing out from the sausage.Damn.

Even though I love those dishes,it doesnt mean that I am a fan of Japanese cuisine but who knows if there are more restaurants that serves up the dishes like how Ku Shin Boiis currently doing,instead of negativity,I may see positivity in Japanese cuisine.

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Ku Shin Bo!!!

A Charmed Life

I hate it when a person says that Im living a charmed life which I beg to differ."A well-respected job in national service that comes with a commendable salary.A scholarship holder with numerous future opportunities thats awaits you.A set of friends that will always be there if need be or just there whenever or wherever.If that is not living a charmed life,I have no idea what is!!!"She said.Before I could say another word,the person continued with this"Oops,there is more thing,if there is one thing that you lack,then it could be having someone,like a girlfriend but I don't think you need or start looking for one right now given the lifestyle you're having right now.Forget about Vis or whoever you're going out with now because I don't think you need an attachment in your life as I don't think she have what it takes to be beside your shadow right now at least."Fyi,this person Im talking about is happily engaged and marriage is on the cards this year and to think that she could be saying all those stuff,damn..WTH!!!

So am I living a charmed life?Is the world revolving around me?Let me answer that question,hmmx..HELL NO!!!

Personally,I think that there is alot in me that meets the eye.Unlike my peers who are carving a name in the industry,I have yet to find a job in the real cuthroat world as I need to serve time for at least another 11 months.So,I don't think I have achieve anything yet for now.A scholarship can only take you so far,so I dont think I deserve recognition for any success if having a career is concerned.

Yes,I do have a set of friends which I truly cherish and I've always said that no matter what I do,I know that I have a set of friends that I can always turn to them when I need them whether it's serious or casual.I keep saying this to you guys but thanx for everything.

Now,Jack wants me to have a girlfriend.Stance ask me to find a girlfriend.Some of the friends keeps telling me that it's ripe if I find one.The question is,should I have someone now?Hmmx,as far as Im concerned,my mind points out that Im ready to be committed towards a relationship as of now.I don't believe in fairy tales where all it takes is "I love you and it's happily ever after"I don't believe in it's perfectly alright if we don't have anything right now,we see how it goes and take it from there.I don't believe in love at first sight and soulmates.That is how pessimistic I am now towards this kind of thing but I believe that if you're equipped with the right credentials,then you will have someone there for you as love is getting materialistic by the minute.It's sad but it's true so you have to deal with it whether you like it or not.

I dont think I should be dwelling on this matter as If do that,it's going to do more damage than good so I think Im going to enjoy my "singlehood" while I can before someone else comes in to my life.I want that "Hangover" life where I can do anything and everything no matter what the consequences are.Some life if one could have right?As of now,Phuket Trip No 2 beckons and I can't wait for November and finally try all those watersports and previously I came at a time where there was an accident and was advised not to but now,Im packing up my trunks and wakeboarding skills and and for my ORD trip,it will be either Seoul Korea or Melbourne Australia!!!

Now,that's living a charmed life!!!